Speaking the Emotion VS. Emoting the Emotion

Let’s talk about the two ways how heavy emotions are usually dealt with during an argument with your partner. The way you deal with difficult emotions really depends on so many circumstances from your past. Your response is a learned response to stress that you witnessed in your childhood. You could have seen the way your parents dealt with stress. You could have internalized the way your parents dealt with your big feelings. You could have witnessed the way your friends, siblings, and other important family members dealt with stress. The way you deal with stress and the subsequent heavy emotions are a result of a combination of your past experiences.

Your Response is a Learned Response!

There is no need to blame anyone here. As you are walking through this journey towards healing, it is important to take full responsibility for it at this moment. You are in charge of your life now. Your past experiences are not in charge of your life any longer!

Speaking the Emotion vs. Emoting the Emotion

There are two ways that most people deal with heavy emotions. By the way, there are also other possible ways, but in my practice, I witness these two the most. They are speaking the emotion and emoting the emotion. One is healthy, and the other one is not so much. 

Speaking the Emotion is…

Speaking the emotion means that you are able to pause in the moment, listen to your body’s signals that tell you exactly what emotion you are experiencing, name this emotion, and then share it with your partner in a healthy way. 

Emoting the Emotion is…

Emoting the emotion means that you became consumed by your emotion at this moment. You are not able to access the part of your brain that can help you logically look at the situation and the emotion that you are experiencing. This is an automatic, unhealthy response to stress. It happens to so many of us, and that is okay! However, it is important to recognize that this way of responding is not serving you or your partner. Time to make changes to this response! 

If you live in Massachusetts and are looking for a therapist, please reach out. I would love to help!