What Is Basic Trust, And Why You Need to Know About It

The reason why I chose to write about development of basic trust is because I see how much a lack of developed basic trust can create so many difficulties in romantic relationships. I truly believe that all changes first begin with awareness of something that is not going well. This is why I want to bring your awareness to this important topic so that you begin noticing and understanding the reasons why things are not working out in some areas of your life.

Quick Definition of Basic Trust

A lack of developed basic trust means a lack of inner strength. It is a lack of feeling that “I can do this.”

A deficit of inner strength results in attempts to get it from other people. You become reliant on others instead of on yourself. Your inner security becomes dependent on others instead of on yourself. Other people become your home. Co-dependent romantic partners are all about finding their home within their partner.

Basic trust is an important stage of development that has huge consequences on the way you view the world in your adulthood.

When Basic Trust Is Developed

Basic trust is developed during childhood years. Let’s say you grew up in a home where you felt love, acceptance, warmth, peace, and safety. It was completely okay to be yourself and to explore your own identity in different ways. You grew up having a relaxed feeling in your body.

What this leads to is a positive outlook on life and a feeling of internal safety in this world. You think of yourself and the world as predictable and reliable, and you are able to notice when it is not and do something about it. A developed basic trust leads to feelings of inner security, strength, and love.

When Basic Trust Is NOT Developed

Now let’s imagine a person growing up in a home with a lack of emotional and/or physical safety. A home with traumatic experiences. A home with a feeling of a lack of belonging and security. A home where it was not okay to be yourself. The predominant feeling that a person experiences in such an environment is constant inner worry and a tight body.

A basic trust that was never developed leads to feeling scared of this world on a deeper and unconscious level. The world becomes a place where you cannot rely on anybody, including yourself. People who become adults and who deny that they never developed basic trust with their family of origin, or if they erased these memories on an unconscious level, often have problems with self-love, self-esteem, and self-worth. They often worry if their partner or loved ones need and love them. They experience insecurity and constant self-criticism in social interactions.

Only when we meet and learn deeply about our inner child are we able to give it a home that is within us, and let go of being dependent on others. We develop trust in and true love towards ourselves.

Inner child work can be terrifying. However, the amount of healing and peace that this work provides to people is indescribable! Please reach out if you and your partner are looking for someone to guide you through this work towards improving your relationship!