Relationships are hard work. What does that actually mean?

If you’ve heard people say that relationships are hard work, then I bet you’ve wondered what that actually means. Well, let me tell you all about it in a very simple explanation below!

Here is what working on strengthening your romantic relationship means:

*Identifying and working on the things that you bring into your relationship that may not be healthy (e.g. reactivity, impulsiveness, impatience, harshness, a lack of open mindedness about your partner’s reality, etc.)

*Learning new conflict-resolution skills

*Practicing kindness daily, minute by minute even when you are triggered

*Learning to negotiate

*Learning to pull yourself out of judgment or shame, and treating your partner the same as you

*Identifying your needs and asking your partner if they could meet some of them

*Learning to accept and let go of small disappointments

*Accepting that your partner is a flawed human being who will make mistakes

*Identifying your boundaries and communicating them with your partner

*Learning to contain your not-so-healthy parts and not leaking them onto your partner (e.g. your anger, anxiety, etc.)

*Being vulnerable

*Learning to give and receive

*Choosing to rock the boat even if it’s scary

Here is what it does not mean:

*Tolerating harshness and mistreatment, and not speaking up about it

*Tolerating dishonesty

*Walking on eggshells

*Experiencing any kind of abuse

*Feeling like you cannot talk to your partner about deeper things

*Having your boundaries crossed

*Feeling chronically unhappy

*Trying to change your partner

*Blaming only your partner for the way your relationship is

*Not taking responsibility and accountability for your part in misunderstandings and disagreements

The Health of Your Relationship Depends On You and Your Partner

Relationships can be difficult to navigate at times because we all bring some parts from our previous experiences into the current one. Relationships are not easy at times, and it does not mean that you need to give up right away. Arguments happen. Disagreements and misunderstanding between spouses happen. Those are normal things that happen in healthy relationships. However, keeping your relationship or marriage strong is really a hard work, but it can become the best type of hard work you will ever have to do in your life.

Please feel free to reach out if you and your romantic partner are ready to begin some work in couples therapy that will help your relationship thrive!