The Meaning Behind Setting Boundaries

Let’s talk about setting boundaries. There is so much talk about this topic in the world of social media. People share helpful scripts about what to say in a specific situation as a way to set a boundary. However, people continue struggling to set boundaries, especially with their family members. 

Here is my opinion about why this is happening. The way we interpret the goal of setting a boundary plays a huge role in actually setting that boundary. I feel like so many people think of boundaries as a way to set a tall, concrete fence around themselves in order to protect them. Boundaries certainly do protect us from situations that can hurt us. However, setting boundaries is not about disconnecting from people. The goal is actually the opposite of that. It is to create a stronger, healthier connection with another human being.

Setting boundaries is about finding out your needs and sharing them with another person in order to strengthen your connection with one another. It is not about being bossy, rude, disrespectful, etc.

Nowadays, people are being falsely empowered to throw their so-called boundaries at people, no matter the context of the situation and no matter how they do it. Every boundary has a context. For example, your boundaries will be very different in the context of work as opposed to in the context with your friends. We need to learn to separate different contexts, to identify specific needs to be a better relational person to others, and to learn to communicate about these boundaries with people in a way that only strengthens your relationship. 

Here is another important note that I want to make. People’s responses and emotional reactions to you setting boundaries with them are not your problem. You cannot control people’s responses. However, you can control the way you set your boundaries with them, and the way you act based on their responses to your boundaries. If a person continues to step over your boundaries, you have every right to distance yourself from them. 

Setting boundaries is not about putting up your walls and fencing yourself off from other people. Boundaries are all about knowing yourself and communicating that with other people. They are all about letting others know that you are setting boundaries because you simply want to be a better friend, son, daughter, partner. And in order for that to happen, your needs must be met in every context. Boundaries are the doors to a better you, and to a stronger love for yourself. 

When you feel ready to dig deeper into understanding your own boundaries, contact me here!