What is Couples Therapy?

It can be scary and nerve-racking to head into the unknown, especially when it comes to therapy. Couples therapy is still not talked about enough, which is why so many romantic relationships continue to suffer on their own, without any support. If you are wondering what couples counseling is like, I would like you to read this post because I am going to help you see couples therapy as a useful tool, instead of something terrifying and shameful. 

It Is Okay to Seek Therapy

First, I would like to de-stigmatize the reasons for going into couples therapy. For years, people thought that only couples on the brink of divorce had to get professional support. However, this is simply not true. What I always tell my clients is that nobody teaches us how to lead fully respectful relational lives, especially in regards to our romantic relationships. Most of the time, nobody sits us down to teach us how to deal with our triggers, how to argue in a loving, respectful yet firm way, how to set healthy boundaries with our partners, how to take accountability for our actions, how to communicate in a mature way, and so many other relational skills. It is completely normal to struggle in a relationship. Although partners have so many similarities, they are still separate individuals who are bound to have different past experiences. Often, our past experiences have a huge impact on our current relationships without us even noticing. 

Couples Therapy is a Useful Tool

Any couple that wants to learn how to improve their relationship, or even how to make it stronger for the future, is encouraged to seek counseling. There is nothing shameful about that! Couples therapy is simply a useful tool that gives a chance to couples to look at each other from a different perspective, to heal their past wounds, to improve areas in their relationship or marriage, to learn new skills, and to simply learn to be better partners to one another. Couples counseling is for everyone! 

Process of Getting Into Therapy

Now, I want to share with you what happens when partners decide that their goal is to work on their relationship, and when they find a qualified therapist to help them. 

When you have your phone consultation with a therapist and decide that you want to work with them, they typically schedule your first session. Every therapist is different in regards to how long a couples session is. I usually see couples for 50 minutes. Some therapists see couples for 45, 60, or 90 minutes. Before your session, your therapist will send you some paperwork to read and sign. It typically includes an informed consent document, a confidentiality agreement, practice policies, payment information, and intake paperwork. Some therapists may have other paperwork included as well. Once this is all done, you meet for your first session.

First Few Therapy Sessions

The first few sessions of couples therapy is when your therapist asks you a lot of questions. Sometimes, you may think that the questions are random and might have nothing to do with your issue that you came with. However, therapists are trained to ask specific, important questions that will allow them to gather as much information as possible from a couple in order to get the full picture of the couple’s relationship. It is so important that a therapist understands the couple’s history and what is happening between the partners.

My Therapeutic Approach

Then, depending on a therapy modality that a therapist follows, they create a treatment plan for each couple. I utilize the Relational Life Therapy model, which is a therapeutic model that allows me to bring my clients to a deep level of awareness of their negative patterns that they are stuck in. I guide my clients through developing an understanding of where those patterns come from. I introduce them to the parts within themselves that often take over in the middle of a stressful situation and do not allow mature parts to be in control. I engage them in experiential work that includes work on their inner child, or in simpler words, I engage them in exercises that allow them to heal their wounds from their past. Throughout the whole therapy, I give clients homework that they can work on outside of sessions. It is extremely important that most of the relational work is done outside of sessions. After this deep work is done, I take the role of a couch who teaches every couple various relational skills. These skills allow them to grow as individuals and as partners, and encourage them to live their lives respectfully as a team. 

Couples Therapy is Scary but Is so Amazing!

Couples therapy is raw, vulnerable, sometimes messy, and extremely hard. Sometimes, it can be heartbreaking and painful. Often, various overwhelming emotions of partners come to the surface, and they often may think that things get way too difficult. However, with my guidance, resentments are dealt with, trauma responses become healthy, the connection between couples becomes deeper and deeper, intimacy becomes an essential part of their lives, etc. There are so many beautiful and amazing changes that can happen while being in therapy. However, they can only happen if both partners are really in it. It is important to be dedicated and work hard during every session, as well as every day outside of sessions. 

If you are considering couples therapy, please know that I understand how scary it can be to ask for help. It can be shameful, too, and I get it. I encourage you to put away all of your negative misperceptions about couples therapy, and to actually give it a try! You and your partner deserve to be happy! 

I would be happy to help you and your partner work on improving your relationship. Please feel free to reach out when you feel ready!